Kneel down to each other and give up control

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Traveling is the second best exercise to give up control.
The best exercise is traveling with your partner 🙂
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Everything positive and (mainly) negative from a couple’s life arises in the microcosmos of traveling. And if you are both control freaks, you won’t only have a frustrating trip. There is also a big chance that your relationship will wear out and come to an end.
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That is specially tough if you are a LDR couple. Spending so much time apart makes you really anxious to do things together and really frustrated that the time together will come to an end in few weeks. It sucks! And the pressure can be unbearable if we add our fears and our need for control to this scenario.
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Darko always says that his main tip for couples is :
“Man, give up control! Just do whatever the woman says. Happy wife, Happy life ! 😀
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Darko’s tip for a happy relationship: Give up control! Say:  “Yes, baby girl, as you want” 😀
Despite if he is joking (or is he?) , there are two fundamental truths implied in his joke.
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The first one is that giving up control is really the only way to enjoy life without creating anxiety and tension. It doesn’t mean we will go through life careless or recklessly. We still engage in actions seeking for the best outcome. But we do not demand the best outcome, we only hope for it. Demanding a certain outcome out of our actions and others is the exact definition of control. When we fail to reach the consequence we expect, we get mad, anxious, frustrated… with ourselves and others around. That is the perfect formula for an emotional disaster. But we still behave like that, many times a day, everyday.
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We only seek for control out of insecurity. And we only hold on to it out of fear. Fear of not knowing what to do next, fear of being hurt… and the biggest fear of them all: the fear of being alone.
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Zion National Park: Darko is ready to climb … by himself 😀
Ana is a control freak. A declared one, completely out of the closet. Raised by  the grandma. But grandma was not a sweet cat lady… grandma was a badass principal in a gangster paradise school taken by gangs and drugs. Control was the main part of Ana’s education. She learned it from the best 🙂
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As a psychologist specialized in psychosomatics, Ana is very aware of all the control manifestations in her life and her body. Asthma during her childhood was a message from her body and mind saying she couldn’t breath in the middle of an overprotective family. Hair loss during the teenage years saying “get out of here, break free! ” … Symptoms are conciliations between mind and body. They are messages from our subconscious that need to be decodified in order to be healed. Need for control causes stress; stress is a conflict; a conflict needs a conciliation: a symptom is the conciliation. Treating the symptom will not fix things. Until we treat the causes for the stress or for the need of control, the symptom will remain there, or it will transmute into another one. Ana went from asthma, to hair loss, to cramps, to anxiety attacks, to joint pain… In order to heal, she was forced to chill. To give up the illusion of control. To stop responding to the environment and to people with super excitement and with super aversion. She gave up living by memory, and started living by inspiration as much as she could. It is not simple, she fails so many times. And she feels the impact of failure immediately in her mind and body. When she catches herself, she breaths, she reconnects with inspiration, she starts over in peace.
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Peaceful moment at the Horseshoe Bend. What an incredible place to reset and reconnect!
In May 2016, we planned a small trip to US, where we should hike the Grand Canyon, Bryce and Zion National Parks. Ana had severe joint pain from chikungunya, she got bitten by the mosquito in Rio de Janeiro, 2 weeks before the trip. The pain caused by the disease was terrible, mainly on her knees. Chikungunya means “the one who bends” for a reason. There was no way she could hike, since she could barely sit down and stand up by herself. We only found out what it was after the trip, once she went back to Brazil and visited her doctor. In this case, the trigger was the mosquito bite. But some people take from 6 months to 3 years to heal. Ana took 4 months. How? Giving up control over the disease and keeping a positive attitude were the main factors.
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During our time in the US, we stayed with friends in San Francisco. One of them, Diane, is an amazing artist who suffered of chronicle pain for a long time in her life. In order to literally save herself, she created her own healing method, called “Bodyscapes”. She applied it to Ana, to find out what that pain was trying to tell her; what was the message the symptom was trying to transmit. The products of the technique were a drawing and a poem. If you are blessed enough to get to know Diane’s methodology one day, you will understand that the poem is not thought or consciously built. It comes from the unconscious, it builds itself alone. All in a sudden, it is there, in front of your eyes, talking to you, slapping you across the face.
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Ana understood clearly during the process that her knee pain was a way to make her kneel down; submit; give up control. Her drawing had the same message: her knees formed continents on Earth. And in the place of her patella (kneecap) , there was a heart. We jokingly named the drawing  “Heartella: The World on my Knees” 🙂 . The drawing was asking for junction, articulation, union, love, kneeling down… things that can only be achieved once you give up control. And you can only give up control when you trust others.
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Diane’s Bodyscapes technique uses the dictionary and starts with a word. We chose to start with the word “knee” , from there we went to “kneel”, then to submission, and few others. When Diane asked Ana to choose the most impacting word to analyze, she chose “submission” . She said how difficult it was for her to submit. Analyzing the word, we did not find any bad meaning connected to it in the dictionary. All we found was “submit means to accept or yield to the will of another person”.  If there was not any bad meaning in the dictionary, how come Ana (and so many others) built such a negative meaning of this word? We understood that the problem was not the acting of submitting in itself; it is the acting of submitting without knowing if the other will take us in consideration. It is a trust issue. How can you kneel down to somebody and get your neck exposed if you don’t trust that the person has the best intentions towards you? The lesson we learned from that exercise was so rich, so life changing.
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Darko is a control freak that did not come out of the closet. He convinced himself and the world that he is chill and easy-going and that he doesn’t really care much about anything. “Whatever” is good for him. And this is true: whatever is good for him… since “whatever” is something he likes! 🙂 When “whatever” is something he doesn’t like… man.. get out of his way! Luckily, he is very simple and very happy, so he likes most of the things. Mainly the things that Ana proposes to him, because he believes she loves him so much that she is always ready to get his back. So, as in his joke, he can submit to her will, since he is sure that she will always take him in consideration before proposing anything.
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Oh, the knee pain… We were 2m away from the sidewalk pretending to be in the middle of the Grand Canyon 😀
This became the very meaning of submitting in our lives: giving up control to somebody that you know will take you in full consideration before acting. We incorporated it in our relationship and in our activities.
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If we don’t fear the struggles of a long distance relationship is because we are able to submit to each other. To deeply trust. We know that we have power over each other and that is ok. We don’t need to try to control it or to play games. Because we are sure that one will not exercise this power over another without taking the other in consideration. This power will always be used from a place of love and for the best.
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Bryce National Park – You must visit the Fairyland Trail ❤
This concept is also the key for the success of our trips together. Every time Darko plans something in the trip, Ana knows that he took her fears, strengths and limitations in full consideration. And every time Ana plans something in our trip, Darko knows that she minded every aspect of his being before making that decision.
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So the first truth in Darko’s joke in the beginning of the text is that giving up control is really the only way to enjoy life with no conflicts. And the second truth implied in his joke is that he is only able to give up control to his woman because he knows she will always get his back and would never create a situation that could be negative to him. And she knows that it is reciprocate ❤ That is how we just survived through 3 months in Thailand, Laos, Cambodia and Vietnam after spending 2 months apart. Kneeling down to each other with full trust ❤
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Loves
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Zion National Park is breathtaking!

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Book Tips

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We are ballers on a budget, guys!

And this guide helped us to save lots of money while booking our tickets, check it out:

“The Ultimate Guide To Travel Hacking Cheap Flights”

Learn how to find cheap flight deals!
So you can have more money to spend with your love in cool adventures 🙂

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Having a blissful relationship is easier than it seems

Michael Webb, Oprah’s lucky charm, reveals how he ended up with a blissful marriage of 21 years with his wife Athena. What a dream!

“50 Secrets of Blissful Relationships”

Bless the Bliss! ❤

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Limitless!

Limiting beliefs are like the plague. They spread to every aspect of your behavior, thinking and personality. They keep you locked in tight, immobile and helpless. Dr. Steve G. Jones explains how to destroy them!

“Ending Limiting Beliefs”

Embrace your inner power! ❤

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